On my Mind

I wish my whole family could have been in that ultrasound room when Pat and I found out we we're having another baby girl.  I immediately broke into tears, Pat had a look of shock on his face because he was convinced it was another boy and the world just seemed to stand still.  We were thrilled and excited and overwhelmed with joy.  We still are.  Unfortunately, my anxiety set in pretty quickly after I came off "my high" of the news that we we're having a girl.  I started to think about everything that can go wrong, everything that may have already gone wrong, but the biggest thought on my mind was and continues to be...  I delivered a completely healthy baby boy, I did not deliver a healthy baby girl.  In fact, I delivered a very sick little girl.  A fatally ill baby girl.  I'm scared.  I would be lying to say I'm not.  I'm trying to "slap" a smile on and pretend I don't have any fears, but I do.  Many of them.  My innocence was stripped away from me two years ago and sadly I know first hand that babies are not all born perfect.  Don't get me wrong... Paige was ABSOLUTELY perfect in my eyes.  She was gorgeous and beautiful and we just loved everything about her.  Her poor little body was so sick and struggling and had to fight to keep going for three days.  I don't want to put another child through that.  I don't know that I have the strength to get through a nightmare like that again.  I don't know if I would have these fears if I were carrying a baby boy... I very well could.  But I'm not carrying a boy, I'm carrying a girl.  I'm carrying Mya Paige and I am hanging on to my faith and saying my prayers that God gives us a healthy baby girl.  I know her big sister is watching over all of us and that gives me great comfort.  Please say a prayer for our Mya that she is one healthy baby girl and for my sanity as we wait til May to meet our new addition.

Christmas 2012 and randomness

Merry Christmas!!!! a little late  We've been busy the past few days and so this post is very late.  Landon had an awesome second Christmas!  He had so much fun exploring new gifts and playing with his cousins.  Unfortunately, I was so busy taking in his excitement that I totally slacked on picture taking.  I do have a few photos and a few videos on the camcorder.  We will cherish those forever.  Although, Landon doesn't understand the whole Santa thing and didn't quite understand why he was getting all the presents he sure had a blast.

Here are some pics from Christmas morning...

 

 

The Saturday before Christmas we went to a friends house for a Christmas party.  They had a ball pit and Landon was in heaven.  His favorite word is ball and he always has a ball in his hands.  This kid had a blast!

 

Finally, I wanted to share a short video of our little man and his dance moves.  We've been going to all of Pat's games and Landon loves it... he especially loves the music at half time.  He bounces and waves his left arm like he is grooving along (we call this move the "sprinkler").  He cracks us up!

Landon's dancing debut...

 

 



 

 

Santa

The picture says it all! Better luck next year!

It's a.....

Pat, Landon, and I are so thrilled to announce that in May 2013 a beautiful, healthy baby

 

GIRL!!!!!

 

will be joining our family!

 

We could not be more excited!  Yesterday we had our 17 week ultrasound.  Our little girl looked healthy and is growing right on track.  Of course, it took quite some time to figure out the sex, little miss was a bit stubborn.  She is sitting straight up with her little ankles crossed right in front of well.. the area we needed to see:)  Thankfully, we have a great ultrasound tech who was extremely patient and finally got our sweet little girl to move her legs.  Because of the way she was positioned we could not get a measurement of her lower spine,  so darn the luck, we'll get to take another look at our cutie pie in a few weeks to get that last measurement.  Other than that, everything looked great!  Praise Jesus!

 

It was quite an emotional moment for both Pat and I.   Believe me, we would have been equally as excited if this little miss was a mister but considering our history and the loss of our angel, Paige, we are feeling overwhelmed with pure happiness!  I know Landon will be a terrific big brother and he and his little sister will grow up to love and cherish their older sister, Paige. 

 

Introducing for the first time...

 

Mya Paige Steinhoff

A Teachers Love

Friday's tragic event has me all shook up.  I know I'm not alone and I know my heart isn't the only one broken over this horrific, senseless act.  As a teacher I can't imagine being in the position that those teachers at Sandy Hook were in on Friday.  What a nightmare.  Sure, we all practice intruder drills and we know what to do in the event of a horrible incident, however, not in my wildest dreams have I ever thought I would actually have to put any of it into action.  Friday's tragedy has me thinking real hard about it all.  I'm sure the teachers and staff at Sandy Hook Elementary never thought they would have to put themselves between their students and a gunman.  I've done a lot of thinking the past few days and although I realize this is an isolated incident and yes they don't occur often... I won't be naive to think it can't happen to me. 

The children in my class are precious.  They are someones sons and daughters.  They are someones whole world.  I know this because my children are my whole world.  I know I am their guardian while at school and I do love those kids and I would do anything to protect them.  I've prayed a lot this weekend and I've asked God to give me the wisdom and strength if ever I am put into a situation like the CT teachers were on Friday.  I've asked for guidance as I head into the final week before winter break.  I hope that my 7 and 8 year old know nothing about Friday's events, but if they do and if they are scared I pray for the courage to stay strong for them and to do everything in my power to make those sweet kids feel safe.  Please say a prayer for the families involved in this tragedy and please say a prayer for all the teachers and students who must continue on tomorrow despite the evil act impacting all of our hearts.

Pat and I are also asking for your prayers as we head into our big ultrasound tomorrow.  Not only do we get to find out the sex of baby #3, but they will also do a complete scan.  If you recall, at Landon's big ultrasound we were told their was a problem with his heart.  Thankfully, it turned out to be nothing, however, it has made us very uneasy about this scan.  We know too well that each life is so very precious and simply a miracle.  We are praying for a healthy child!!!

First Birthday!!!

(Sorry, picture overlaod!)

Landon is 1!!!  What an exciting weekend for our little man.  Where has this year gone?  I can't believe that a year ago today God blessed Pat and I with our second child.  Even more so we were so thankful for a healthy baby boy who we got to bring home.  This last year has been a dream come true for us and we are still so thankful for a healthy one year old.  Yesterday we celebrated the big day with family and a few friends.  Landon was a little overwhelmed at first, but quickly warmed up to all the attention.  He was spoiled beyond belief with presents and he is one lucky little boy to have such great people in his life. 

At one year Landon:

- FINALLY GOT A TOOTH!!  He woke up this morning with his first one! 
- is wearing size 12 month clothes
- is wearing size 3 diapers
- is a fabulous sleeper (with the exception of last night with the cutting of the tooth)
- is crawling like a mad man and cruising all over the place but not yet walking
- can go up and down stairs
- can say mama, dada, byebye, papa, baba (bottle), ball and neh (no)
- loves playing catch
- learned how to blow kisses
- can give a mean high five :)
- and LOVING life! And we are loving life with him in it!

Here are a few 12 month pics I took at home:

 

My handsome boy

 

Cracking up

So Big!!!

Party pictures:

Decorations:

A picture from each month

 

Yummy snacks

 

 

Cake eating:

He started off nice and neat with a spoon!

 

Then he realized he could dive right in

and then, well, let's just say he LOVED it!

 



Present opening:

 

Thanks for all my gifts!

Family picture!

*** On a side note please take your guess!  What do you think baby #3 will be?  Boy or girl???  You can vote on the side bar!

Angel of Hope

Tonight we remembered Paige and all the sweet lives taken too soon at the Angel of Hope. The Angel of Hope stands in Blanchette Park in St Charles and is one of several around the world. The angel is there to symbolize hope for all those who have lost a child. Every December 6th there is a ceremony at every angel to remember our beloved children. You can read the story of the angel in the book "The Christmas Box". It's an easy read and a great book. The angel is gorgeous and brings such peace to my heart.