Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Yesterday I went to the doctor for my second to last visit before my c-section!  I was happily surprised when they told me I was going to have an ultrasound.  I love any chance to see my sweet boy.  Then they told me they were doing the ultrasound as part of a biophysical profile.  I sorta freaked for a second.... I asked the doctor what was wrong and why Landon had to have this test done.  He quickly reassured me that it was only for precautionary measures.  The BPP is usually done after 32 weeks on high risk pregnancies (which I'm not), diabetic mothers (which I'm not) and on mom's who have lost a child in a previous pregnancy during the third trimester (which I guess technically I lost Paige at 36 weeks but not while she was in me).  I do appreciate that my doctor is so cautious and protective over our very sensitive situation.  His entire office... him, his nurses, the ultrasound tech and receptionist have all been AMAZING to us!  Love them!  Anyways, with the BPP they test the babies ability to practice breathe, his tones (movement) and they measure the amount of amniotic fluid.  Landon had to do his practice breathing and his tones in 30 minutes or less.  There is a total of 8 points given.  Six or more points is considered normal, anything less would be of a concern.  As soon as we spotted him on the ultrasound the tech right away pointed out his practice breathing.  He did it the entire time we watched him!  I was such a proud mama as I sat there and cheered him on yelling, "Come on buddy!  Keep going! Keep going!  You can do it Landon!"  Ok, ok, so I may already be that obnoxious mom who is her kids biggest fan.  Check 1, he passed his practice breathing with flying colors!  Next, he proved that his tones (movements) were not a problem.  He was moving a lot and all over the place.  Check 2, tones was not a problem.  Finally, the tech measured my amniotic fluid and that looked great.  Check 3!  Whew!  My sweet boy passed that test with 8 out of 8 in a short period of time.  So proud of my little man! :)  And, what a nice reassurance that things look good!  One more visit next Monday and then the big day... Friday, December 9th!  I can't wait to hold Landon in my arms! 

We love you Landon and can't wait to meet you!  We will always be your biggest fans! - Mommy & Daddy

I declare the end from the beginning...My plan will take place,
    and I will do all My will. 

Isaiah 46:10

Friday, November 25, 2011

37 Weeks

Today marks 37 weeks!!!!  The excitement and anticipation is through the roof and my stress level is pretty steady.  I can't believe that two weeks from today I will be holding my baby boy in my arms.  Someone pinch me, because it just doesn't seem possible!  I get choked up just typing about it, so talking about it is getting harder to do.  I am overwhelmed with joy, but the anxiety of that day is weighing heavy on my heart.  I know, I know.. I need to be positive and I am... I really am.  But with that said, until that baby boy is in my arms and receives a clean bill of health I will not rest easy.  This week we had an ultrasound and Landon looks great!  He is weighing in just under 6 and a half pounds.  The doctor predicted a 7 1/2 pound baby at birth.  We'll see...  I don't care how much he weighs, I just want him healthy.  Landon is head down and in the birthing postion.  He had his arms in front of his face most of the ultrasound so it was hard to see much, however, he has the sweetest, chubbiest cheeks ever.  The ultrasound tech didn't think he had much hair... just a little peach fuzz.  Oh, to see him for the first time....  my heart skips a beat each time I think about it.  December 9th can't come soon enough!!!!

How Far Along: 37 weeks
Size of baby: 19.1 inches and about 6 1/2 pounds
Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff
Maternity Clothes: Yes
Movement: Landon remains pretty active.  Lots of jabs and slow stretching movements.
Sleep: Not awful, lets just leave it at that.
Symptoms:  Lots of braxton hicks contractions and just a moving mama.
Cravings: Well this week I couldn't wait for Thanksgiving dinner and chocolate pie!
Best moment this week: Seeing our baby boy on the ultrasound!  The next time I see him, he will be here!
(Sorry no pics today yet... we're decorating for Christmas and I look a mess!  I'll post a picture soon!)
I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Ephesians 1:16

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!  Today is a day to give thanks for the many blessings in our lives.  Although this year has been full of bumps in the road, heartache, the unaimaginable, and what seems like more bad news right after the other... we have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  This Thanksgiving Pat and I have so many blessings to be thankful for...  eachother, our families, our friends, our precious baby girl, our sweet baby boy, our health, our jobs, our faith, and the list could go on and on.  It really could.  There were days this year when I was not very thankful for anything.  Shame on me.  In the midst of the turmoil, the pain and the heartache it is our many blessings that pull us through.  We should always focus on what we do have and not what we don't.  We should be thankful for what has been given to us and not dwell on what has been taken away.  Even the smallest blessings deserve to be recognized and I have learned that this year thanks to my daughter.  I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends! 

The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
What can I give back to God
for the blessings He's poured out on me?

Psalm 116:5, 12

Saturday, November 19, 2011

36 Weeks

36 Weeks!  It's so hard to believe that in just 3 short weeks our little man will be here!  Oh, to hold him in my arms.... just thinking about it makes me overwhelmed with joy.  My arms have literally ached since the last time I held Paige and to think that in three weeks my strength will be restored!  It is just so surreal to me... my heart leaps out of my chest as I think about this baby boy inside of me.  He just can't get here soon enough.  This week has been bittersweet.  In a way it's a bit of a milestone for Pat and I.  Our sweet Paige was born at 36 weeks.  I had contractions the entire 35th week and was in and out of the hospital.  It's impossible not to think about that week, the anticipation we had and then the terrible heartache we experienced.  I know I have to believe that this outcome will be different.  I have to believe that our Landon is a healthy baby boy.  I have to believe, but I would be lying if I didn't say it was so terribly hard.  I'm not one to wish away precious time, but please join in me in prayer as I pray for these next three weeks to fly by.  I know I'm supposed to enjoy these last few weeks of sleeping in and the quiet time, but Pat and I are so ready!  We have rested, we have had our quiet time and now we want our family.  We want to bring Landon home to our house and love him and spoil him and change his diaper and get absolutely zero sleep as we lie awake with him at night.  We want it all... we want every last thing that comes along with parenthood.  I'm sure there will be those days and nights where we are pulling our hair out and can barely stay awake, but we WANT that.  We want a family, we want this baby more than I could ever express.  So, Mr. Landon, mommy and daddy are ready and we can't wait to meet you sweet boy!

How Far Along: 36 weeks
Size of baby: 18.6 inches and about 6 pounds (these are estimates from babycenter.com)
Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff
Maternity Clothes: Yes and not even all of my maternity clothes fit anymore :(
Movement: He still is pretty active.  I do think he is losing space everyday. 
Sleep: I am up every 2 hours uisng the bathroom, but other than that it's not too bad.
Symptoms: I've been having a few contractions here and there.  I don't call them Braxton hicks because they are getting more intense and a bit painful.  They are very spread out though.  It's all part of getting my body ready.
Cravings: Nothing really, just eating a lot of small meals throughout the day.
Best moment this week: Making it to 36 weeks without having to go to the hospital!
We visit the doctor on Monday and we will have an ultrasound.  Can't wait to see how big this boy is.... I'm prepared for a big boy!
This I know, that God is for me.

Psalm 56:9

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Optimism & Hope

Well, dad went for his CT scan today as well as his 5th chemotherapy treatment.  The results from the scan leave me feeling optimistic and hopeful.  The doctor said "no clear signs of cancer" showed up on the scan.  He did say that when dad has his PET scan after his 6th treatment we would have more detailed results.  We are thrilled to hear that the lymphoma is at least shrinking and leaving dad's body.  Unfortunately, there is a spot on one of dad's kidneys that is still there.  This spot showed up on a scan right before dad's first treatment.  The doctor did not believe it was lymphoma, but was unsure of what it was.  The oncologist said that we would not deal with that spot until after they dealt with the lymphoma.  We were hopeful that the chemo would shrink and remove the spot on the kidney as well.  That did not happen.  So, tonight I praise Jesus that the chemotherapy seems to be curing dad's lymphoma.  I continue to pray that no matter what that "spot" is on dad's kidney that it is able to be removed and taken care of as soon as the lymphoma is all gone.  On December 8th dad will receive his 6th and final chemotherapy treatment.  Three to six weeks after that he will have his PET scan and hopefully he will be in remission.  Only time will tell.... and many many prayers!  Please keep them coming!

...the LORD our God is righteous in all He has done.

Daniel 9:14

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Just 2 Left

Tomorrow dad goes in for his 2nd to last chemotherapy treatment.  This is his 5th round of chemo and we are so happy that the end is in sight.  Thankfully, dad has felt pretty good the last few days.  Food has actually tasted good to him and he has had enough energy to get out and about.  Today he went out for a good Lebanese meal.  To say I'm jealous would be an understatement.  ;)  Tomorrow my sister, Marcia, will be on duty with dad at Siteman.  Their schedule is full and starts very early tomorrow morning.  His day will begin with a CAT scan.  He will then visit with his doctor, actually a new doctor because his oncologist is out on maternity leave.  Once he's through with the doctor he will start treatment.  We are asking for BIG prayers tonight.  We have high hopes that tomorrow morning's CAT scan brings good news.  Please Jesus, let the cancer be shrinking and leaving dad's body.  Please join my family in prayer and ask God to take good care of my dad.  We are so appreciative of all of your thoughts and prayers and we truly believe that God listens to every single one. 

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. 

Psalm 62:5

Friday, November 11, 2011

35 Weeks

35 weeks!!!!!  Another week closer to Landon's arrival.  Unbelievable!  I can hardy believe it.  This week seemed to go by a little slower than usual, hopefully the next four will speed up a bit.  I'm feeling very heavy this week.  This little man continues to grow and it's weighing down on my body.  Small price to pay.  I went to the doctor this week and things look great.  Landon's heartbeat was perfect and my belly is measuring right on track.  My weekly visits will now begin as we are in the final four weeks.  I will go again on the 21st and we will have an ultrasound.  At that visit they will be able to give us an estimate on his weight. So excited to see how big our boy is.  His movements this week have been hard and kinda hurt.  He's getting a bit aggressive with his mommy.  : )  Here I am today at 35 weeks....

Look at that big belly!

How Far Along: 35 weeks
Size of baby: 18.2 inches and about 5.6 pounds  (these estimates are from babycenter.com, we'll see how Landon measures up on the 21st)
Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff
Maternity Clothes: Yes everything is maternity at this point!
Movement: He's getting awfully strong.  His kicks and punches are hurting mommy.  : )
Sleep: Sleep is becoming difficult.  I just can't seem to get comfortable.
Symptoms: I won't complain about this bundle of joy inside of me.  The pains I feel are a small price to pay.
Cravings: No crazy cravings.  My meals are becoming smaller because there is not much room for food.
Best moment this week: Hearing that beautiful heartbeat.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

If Only We Knew

"If only we knew...." is the saying that runs through my head daily for two things very close to my heart.

If only we knew everything was going to be ok with Landon than maybe I could breathe a little easier.  Maybe I could try to enjoy this last month of my pregnancy.  (Yes, 1 month from today my little boy will be here).  Maybe I could sleep at night and not have every horrible scenario run through my head.  Maybe every time I don't think I have felt him move in awhile I wouldn't assume the worst.  Maybe I could be a better person...wife, friend, teacher, daughter, sister.  Maybe I wouldn't walk around with a shield over my heart trying to protect it from any more hurt.  Just maybe. 

If only we knew that this chemotherapy was for sure curing my dad of this awful cancer than maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad watching him go through it.  Maybe it would be easier on him to keep fighting.  Maybe seeing him in such pain wouldn't hurt our hearts so much.  Maybe knowing that when his last treatment comes in December this nightmare will finally be over.  Just maybe.

Just maybe our lives will become less complicated.  Just maybe this year of so much pain will finally be over.

In this hurt and confusion and uncertainty all I can do is leave it all in God's hands.  It's so much easier said than done.  I want to take control and do everything in my power to assure my baby will be ok.  I would put the cancer in my own body just to take the pain away from my dad.  I don't have that kind of control.  I keep being reminded of that, but it still stinks.  I must have faith that happy times are ahead and God is working his plan. 

Please continue to pray for our sweet baby boy.  Pray for a healthy little guy that will come home with us.  Pray for the doctors who will perform my c-section that they use the greatest care.  Pray that Jesus can calm my nerves and allow me to enjoy these last few weeks of my pregnancy.

Please continue to pray for my dad.  Pray that his pain becomes less.  Pray that he stays faithful throughout this journey.  Pray that his body is becoming cancer free.  Pray that his last two treatments will be the easiest of the bunch.

We thank you for your prayers!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Landon's Nursery

I know I have promised to post these pictures for some time now, however, life continues to happen and I have been a bit busy well actually exhausted.  I don't do much in the evenings except eat dinner and lay on the couch.  Most nights I have great intentions of posting pictures of the nursery and then I fall asleep.  Tonight I just started a little earlier.  : )  So, here it is.... our little man's room.

Looking in from the door.

That's pretty much it!  It's a small room, but it already holds so much love for our sweet baby boy.  Plus, it's extra special because it once held all of his big sister's belongings.  So many emotions are packed into this one little room of our house. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

34 Weeks

Another week down!  Five more to go!  It's almost not real to me.  In 5 short weeks I will be holding my baby boy!  Landon cannot get here soon enough.  This week was pretty uneventful.  Pat started coaching basketball again with try-outs starting on Monday.  Not might favorite time of the year, I'd rather have him home after work, but he enjoys it so much and I want him to be happy.  Tonight we went to Babies R Us and picked up our bassinet and a few last essentials we need before Landon arrives.  That's how we spend our Friday nights lately... preparing for the baby.  We're cool!  ha! I'm so tired after work throughout the week that I pretty much just come home and plant myself on the couch.  I try to always get one thing checked off our to-do list, but after that I'm down for the count.  I forget that my body needs rest.  Luckily, my little man kicks and turns and wiggles reminding me to take it easy. This week Landon has decided to spend most of his time on my right side.  My stomach has been so lopsided because of this that even others have noticed.  I love watching my students faces when they see my stomach move.  It's priceless!  They always say "Is that baby Landon?" with a confused look on their face.  So cute!  My little man had the hiccups earlier tonight.  Such a weird feeling.  I don't think he's in the head down position yet, but that's ok.  He has some time and really it doesn't matter because I'll have a c-section.  I can tell he is just making himself nice and comfy in there.  I really think he is getting big.  I'm excited for our ultrasound in two weeks so they can estimate his size.  By the crazy rate of my growing belly, I think we may have a linebacker.  I know I've slacked on the weekly pictures.  I'm not thrilled with this one, but since I haven't posted one in a few weeks...here I am tonight...

34 weeks
Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 34 weeks
Size of baby: 17.8 inches and about 4.5 pounds
Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff
Maternity Clothes: Yes everything is maternity at this point and even some of those don't fit anymore.
Movement: He is is still doing lots of moving. Not as many kicks, more just stretching and moving around. It's so crazy to feel him kick me in the ribs and then way down low. 
Sleep: I'm having trouble falling asleep, but once I'm asleep I'm good.  The trick is just getting all those pillows in the right place.  I'm waking up about 3 times a night to use the facilities.
Symptoms: Fatigue, tons of braxton hicks contractions, pains in my back and well now that I sound like I'm complaining I'm going to stop.  I would take all this pain plus more for this little man!
Cravings: Nothing specifically.  I do love my sweets!
Best moment this week: Feeling like we're ready for our sweet baby boy to arrive! 
Only 35 days until Landon arrives! 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Showered with Love

How blessed I am!  I've talked about my co-workers on here before, but words can't describe the friendship I have with the girls I work with.  I truly love the school I teach in and the staff is a second family to me.  After Paige passed away they let their love shine and they supported Pat and I in ways I never thought imaginable.  Today I witnessed that love again.  Paige was born before her scheduled baby shower at work, so today my co-workers threw me a baby shower after school.  It was so much fun and was absolutely perfect.  They even had my favorite snacks... sour cream and onion potato chips and peanut butter M&M's.  I know not a great combo, except to a pregnant lady!  Unfortunately, my prego brain got the best of me and I didn't think to pull my camera out until the very end of the shower... like when my team was cleaning up! 

These are the amazing girls on my team & former team (Nicole, Emily & Jenni moved to a different school last year) who gave the shower.

L to R: Nicole, Jenni, Stacey, Sheila, Julie, Rachel, Jen & Emily
Love these girls!

I was showered with so many wonderful gifts!  One of my favorites was this adorable glass block light that our school secretary made.  It's just so neat and will be perfect in Landon's nursery.

My friend Nicole is one of the craftiest people I know.  She can do just about anything!  She made Landon some of the sweetest hand-made gifts!

The sweet little booties she made Landon! 

The adorable Cardinal binkie holder.  One of a kind!

My favorite gift that Nicole made is the sweetest hand-made family book.  It's just perfect!

The front cover
Daddy & Mommy

Paige & Landon
The shower was just great and was even equipped with a very yummy cake.  When I finally realized I hadn't taken a picture of the cake yet, here is what was left.....

Oops!  It sure was good!!!

I consider myself so lucky to actually enjoy my job, I'm even luckier to go to work everyday with some of my great friends!  Thanks girls for a wonderful baby shower!  Pat and I are so grateful for your love and support!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Happy 10 Months Paige

With every passing month I am more and more amazed at how much time has passed since I last saw, held and kissed my sweet angel.  It's hard to believe that in 2 short months we would be celebrating our baby girls's 1st birthday!  Of course, we will still celebrate and remember our precious Paige, however, we would much prefer to celebrate with her here.  I never thought I would plan a 1st birthday party for my child who was in heaven.  My baby girl deserves a party and a party she will get!  :)  It's even more crazy to think that her baby brother will be here to celebrate her birthday with us.  How this year has been full of ups and downs and surprises I never dreamed imaginable.  These 10 months have not gone as planned, well they have not followed my plan... we are on God's plan and He has made that very clear this year.  Today we celebrate ten months of wonderful memories of a beautiful baby girl, one we miss terribly, but love with all our hearts. 

Paige Jordan,
   I don't know how 10 months have already passed, but I do know that not a day has gone by that your daddy and I don't talk about you and miss you so much.  Days when I don't think I will make it I feel your presence and I know that I must carry on for you, for your daddy and for your baby brother.  Paige, you are my inspiration and my motivation for life.  I want to live life fuller, I want to love deeper and I want to be a better person because of you.  My heart will always have a missing piece, but somehow even my broken heart can love so much more than before.  I hope you feel that love!   I miss you, I love you and I hope you have a wonderful 10 month birthday in heaven! 

All My Love,

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will cover it with blessings.

Psalm 84:6