School's Out for Summer

Yay!  What an amazing feeling!  So very happy.  I do love my job, however, about this time every year I just need a break.  When August rolls around I will be rested and rejuvinated and ready to teach again!  But for the time being I'm hanging with my boys.  Woo hoo!  Yesterday was my first official day of summer break and the three of us just hung out around the house.  Landon and I took a quick trip to the park to hit up the baby swing.  He loves it!  Sadly, our little man is now feeling a little under the weather and we
are making a trip to the pediatrician a little later today.  Keeping my fingers crossed it's just the common cold and nothing more.  We shall see...  Last night was rough and I just want to get him checked out before this long weekend.  I hope everyone is having a great week!  Here are a few pictures from this past week!

So close I can taste it...

....summer that is!  My last day with students is Monday, a work day on Tuesday and then SUMMER BREAK officially begins!  Woo hoo!  I have never been so excited about summer break before!  I'll be spending my summer with my two boys and I can't wait!  In the past Pat would coach a traveling baseball team and this summer he is not!  He will be home with us and I couldn't be happier!  Looking forward to the wonderful memories we will make...

Mothers Day 2012

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, especially my mom, my mother-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, grandmothers, aunts, cousins and friends!  Today has been very bitter-sweet. It felt so wonderful to wake up to my precious boy, however, only one arm was full.  The other arm remained empty and a piece of my heart still has a rather large hole in it.  Paige's absence was definitely felt today, but I have so much comfort in knowing that she is watching over my whole family! 

We went and visited Paige's place in the garden today.  What a gorgeous day!  I know Paige had something to do with that bright sunshine today!  Here are a few pictures from our time with Paige.

How I love having my whole family together in one place.  It just hurts so bad having to leave her behind.  I know she is always with us, but having to get in the car without her is so hard.

Me and both of my kiddos!

Landon saying "hi" to his big sister.

Giving Paige kisses.

Just chillin' with his big sis!

5 Months Old!

This post is a few dates late because life has been a bit hectic lately.  However, Pat and I only have 1 week of school left and then HELLO summer vacation!!!!!  We're just a bit excited in the Steinhoff household!

I can't believe my sweet boy is 5 months old! How did this happen? STOP time!   Mr. Landon is developing quite the personality!  The best part is that he thinks he is hilarious.  He cracks himself up!  So cute!  What a fun stage he is in right now.  He is such a happy baby and loves snuggling with mommy and daddy (and anyone who will snuggle with him). 

A few things I never want to forget about Landon's fifth month:

*He is so happy all the time!  He only cries when he is hungry and tired.  Other than that he is content.
*He is wearing size 2 diapers.
*He is wearing size 6 month clothes.
*His sleeping is a little rough right now.  We've been waking up once or twice in the middle of the night, but that seems to be coming to an end.  Keeping our fingers crossed.
*He still take a pacifier but mostly at night.
*He LOVE LOVE LOVES his jumparoo and exersaucer.  He just laughs and laughs when he is in there.
*Naps are a bit inconsistent but he usually takes 2 good ones a day with a cat nap here and there.  On the weekends he loves taking naps in his swing!
*He is a pretty easy baby to be with on the go.  Too much time in his car seat makes him a little crazy though.  :)
*He is eating rice cereal  and oatmeal once a day and the rest is formula.  We will start vegetables very soon.
*He started rolling over this month.  We have seen him go both ways, front to back and back to front.  However, he seems to be a bit lazy and doesn't roll over very much.
*He is also starting to sit up with just a boppy pillow behind him. 

Our little man is growing so fast!  We love him more and more everyday and just marvel in his existence.

Here are a few pictures of Landon at 5 months.  Pretty hilarious!



"This isn't so bad."

"Look at me pose mom!"

"Seriously, we have to do more on the floor?"

"Fine, but I'm not smiling!"

"This is getting a little out of hand."

"Oh geez!  Mom, you're nuts!"

Mother's Day

Today is a special day. The first Sunday in May celebrates moms who have lost babies. "This special day was created to honour and celebrate mothers who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts rather than their arms. On this day each year we come together to celebrate our connection, our babies and children and our hope for the future."

***Taken from a blog of another mother with a baby in Heaven.

God has brought so many wonderful women into my life who also have babies in heaven.  Happy Mother's Day to all those mom's with sweet angel babies in heaven!  I wouldn't of made it 16 months without the love, support and friendship from all of you!

Have Your Way

Just as seasons change so does my attitude.  I have found myself in a slump lately.  I'm getting good at slapping on a smile and tucking my emotions under my sleeve.  Maybe it's because I've gotten so used to it and it's all I know.  Maybe it's because it's easier than allowing my emotions and my grief to overcome me.  Maybe it's because I'm ashamed to feel sad after receiving such a wonderful gift in my Landon.  Maybe it's because Mother's day is fast approaching and I only get to spend it with one of my babies.  I don't know what it is... probably a mixture of them all. 

For the past 16 months I have had the same conversation with God over and over in my head.  I ask so many questions.  I don't get answers.  But I do know that God has been with me everyday for the past 16 months.  He's held my hand through this crazy life I live and through it all I have learned that I am on God's time.  It's His way.  It's the plan that God created for me. 

Today a dear co-worker shared a song with me.  I heard the song and thought to myself this is the conversation I have with God almost everyday.  I think this song is beautiful and I couldn't of wrote my feelings better myself!

Really listen to the words!

(There is 1 part of the song I don't relate to.  It talks about being abandoned by family and friends.  I'm so very lucky because my family and friends have stood by me everyday. )

I continue to put my trust in the Lord. 

Missing My Girl

There is something about this spring.  Something about the warm sunshine.  The blue sky.  The beautiful flowers.  The green grass.  There is something about this time of the year that makes me think about my sweet girl.  Let's be honest, I think about her all the time regardless of the weather or time of year.  But lately I have been missing her so much!  I see so many little girls running around in cute sundresses and pigtails.  That should be Paige.  Today she would have been 16 months old!  She would be running around, getting into everything and just being a sweet little toddler.  But she's not here.  I can only imagine and dream about what she is doing and what she looks like.  Even 16 months later I still find myself out shopping and as I pass by the little girls clothing section I hold up little dresses and wonder what Paige would look like in it.  I so badly want to buy her hair bows and cute sandals.  I actually carried a little girl bathing suit to the cash register one day.  I was seriously going to buy it for Paige.  At the last minute I talked myself out of it.  I know Paige has the cutest swimsuit in heaven.  I just wish I could see her in it.  This momma is struggling right now and missing my little girl.  The pain really never goes away, but I find myself numb to it at times.  In the midst of my grief I have found new joy and new happiness in my precious Landon but the pain and the desire for my daughter has not gone away.  It's a part of me.  I think it always will be. 

Mommy is missing you Paige.  I love you so much sweet girl!

Your baby brother loves you too!