It should be simple... you ask a question and you can get an answer. Right? I wish life was that simple. Life right now is anything but simple. No answers... just lots of questions with no answers. Some days are easy, but most are hard. Today is one of those hard days. Pat and I woke up this morning and started getting ready for church. We just felt like something was missing... our baby girl. We should be getting her dressed in a cute little outfit and bundling her up to go to church with us. It's so hard not having her here. Even though she never came home in her short life our house just seems empty without her. I can't go into her room, it's just too painful. No matter how bad it hurts we still don't have answers. Sure, we may get some answers with autopsy reports and even genetic testing... but not the answers we're looking for. I've had to change my whole outlook on prayer over the past few weeks. I used to pray for things or certain outcomes and yes, answers to my questions. I now pray for strength. Strength to get out of bed in the morning. Strength to carry on with my life. Strength to understand God's will. Strength to keep my faith and to be a person of good character that my sweet daughter can be proud of. I don't have the answers to my questions, but I do have my faith.
- Marissa
- My name is Marissa. I have an amazing husband named Patrick. We have a beautiful baby girl named Paige who is in Heaven with Jesus. We've been blessed with two healthy children, Landon and Mya. This blog is all about our sweet angel and the lasting impact she will forever have on our hearts.
Marissa, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing Paige's story and your thoughts. I will continue to pray for you and Pat and will specifically pray for strength. BTW...Paige has to be THE most beautiful angel. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteLove, "Reno"
Marissa, I have felt alone for the past year or so. I know I have friends and they help, but they can't feel the pain I feel when I sit alone in my room at night and cry. Well, that was before. Now when I sit in my room, I thank God for what He HAS given me and I have only been able to do that because of you. I look to you and Pat and know I could not be strong like you. My pain seems SO insignificant compared to what you must feel. I am ashamed of myself. Thank you for sharing your strength with me.
ReplyDeleteI have not been able to write until now because I don't understand...But I want to thank you for letting me meet Paige! She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen! I will cherish those few minutes always. She will always be in my heart.
Thank you again.
Sheila
Baby Paige is soooo proud of you both - just like all of your friends and family are proud of you....I wish we could take away your questions, your pain and that you never had to shed another tear. We love all three of you so much, and we're always here for you. Love, Mike, Nick, Cap & T
ReplyDeleteMarissa & Pat-
ReplyDeleteWords cannot describe how much you inspire me during this difficult time in your life, along with the strength that you carry. You will always have questions and wonder how things would be; but i know that the strength and faith that you and Pat posess will help ease the difficult times. Continue to stay strong in your faith and always know that Paige is with you in spirit! You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers and please know that we are here for you!!!!!
Love you! Katie & Matt
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteI know this is not simple and I know how bad we all wish it was for you and Pat. We always want everything to be simple...that is our human nature. But the fact that it is not simple is why it is making you an amazingly strong person. The fact that you are asking the questions and not getting answers, but still believing is making your faith and trust for God grow stronger. I wish I could see your future, tell you that tomorrow will be a better day...the only person that can do that is God- so keep praying, keep asking, and maybe some day in a small way, God will give you an answer. I love you, Pat and Paige so much and am here for you always! Let me know if you need me to be your strength for you one day because you do not have to do this alone.
Love, Marcia
Oh, Marissa, I just love you so much. I wish I had answers for you, I wish I could take your and Pat's pain away. Your Faith is amazing and I am truly in awe by you both. Keep praying, keep asking...God WILL give you the strength, but know that it is ok to lean on all your family and friends....we are all here for you. One thing I know for sure is how very proud Paige is of her Mommy and Daddy...she has such amazing parents that love her so very much! I love you all so much! Love, Maria
ReplyDeleteWhat to say to try and comfort you both! Words can't do it but hopefully prayer and faith can help if only for a little while.
ReplyDeleteYou are both amazing! Your strenght at this very hard times makes me so proud of you both. You know I love you both.
Just to let you know Grandma B and Paige were playing Ring around the Rosie in my dream last night
Mimi
I am so sorry for your loss- how hard that is-- I can only imagine! God bless you in your journey here. Your willingness to share your experiences will touch many. Thank you for letting your light shine. May God continue to fill you with peace each day and bring you joy in all things. You are constantly in my prayers and thoughts daily.
ReplyDeleteDeb Keyes
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteI struggle with what to say because as Deb said "We can only imagine." You have been so amazingly strong through everything. Continue to keep the faith. I know Paige is proud to have such a wonderful mommy and daddy. I came across this poem the other day. Just know Paige is always with you because of the love that you share with her.
I Am With You
Once I lived in my mother's womb,
A place for me to flourish and bloom,
And in that place I felt such love,
Until the day I was called from above,
The angels came and took me away,
Because on Earth I couldn't stay,
But my mother didn't want me to go,
Because she really loves me so,
So I spoke to God and made a deal,
That would help my mommy's heart to heal,
And so God said that I could visit,
At any time, there is no limit,
Now I watch her visit my grave,
I send her courage to make her brave,
And in the night when she cries,
I am there to wipe her eyes,
And when she sits and thinks of me,
I am there sat on her knee,
When she thinks that no one cares,
I am there stroking her hair,
When it's hard for her to carry on,
I am there to make her strong,
For when you carry love in your heart,
You never really are apart
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Lots of Love!
Jen
Marissa and Pat,
ReplyDeleteThank you for creating this blog. What a wonderful way to keep Paige's spirit alive. The two of you are truly an inspiration and the strength you have together is admirable. I love you guys and am here for you! Hugs!!!!
Sarah Teague