Precious One

I've never been one to just sit and read.  I know, I know... you're probably thinking "but you're a teacher!"  Yes, I teach kids everyday how to read and even more so, I try my best to instill a love of reading in each child I teach.  I don't dislike reading, I just don't do it often.  Well, didn't do it often until recently.  I've been reading a ton lately.  I read blogs of other mother's who have lost children, I read books about how to grieve (I don't believe there is a right way to do this), I read Internet articles on Leukimia (I've stopped this recently because it only makes me so angry that my baby was 1 in 19 million) and I read to inspire myself.  I've come across a lot of poetry lately that I can relate to.  Some of the poems seem to tell my story and how I'm feeling.  One poem I came across was entitled "The Childless Mother".  I'll spare you the sad poem, but to tell you the truth... childless is exactly how I feel.  I sometimes feel like I walk around with a big sign hanging around my neck that screams "CHILDLESS".  It's awful, I hate it and I wish I didn't feel this way... but I do.  I am the mommy who does not have her baby.  Just typing it makes another piece of my aleady broken heart break.  I share this emotion not for pity, but to help others understand how I'm feeling.  I don't feel whole but somehow with my heart all in pieces I still feel love.  Love for my husband, love for my family, love for my friends and love for my baby girl in Heaven, my Precious One.  I share this poem because it focuses on my sweet Paige.  She is so very precious to Pat and I and even though she was taken from us we will always be her mommy and daddy.

Precious One

Precious, tiny, sweet little one

You will always be to me

So perfect, pure and innocent

Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and your life

And all that it would be.

We waited and longed for you to come

And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,

To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.

We long to hold you, touch you now

And listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother,

He'll always be your dad.

You will always be our child,

The child that we had.

But now you're gone...but yet you're here

We'll sense you everywhere.

You are our sorrow and our joy,

There's love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong,

We'll forget you never

The child we had, but never had,

And yet will have forever.

-Author Unknown



Our Precious Paige