While at the support group we discussed many things. One thing that came up that I never thought about was that some people may wonder why we are greaving the loss of a child who we never knew. I never thought about this, but I can answer it for anyone who is wondering. Pat and I had dreams beyond belief for our baby girl. I would dream about taking her shopping and brushing her hair. I could almost visualize her first day of school. I couldn't wait for her sweet hugs and the first time she said "mama". I still long to hear her cry, to laugh, to do anything. Pat was going to teach her how to play ball. I know he couldn't wait to make a little stud athlete out of her. And if sports weren't her thing he couldn't wait to sit in her dance recitals and be the proudest daddy. He dreamed of one day walking his baby girl down the aisle. The list of hopes and dreams that we had for our sweet girl goes on and on. So yes, we never really knew our baby girl here on earth but we do know that our love for her is real, it is strong and it will never go away. We will always mourn the hopes and dreams we had for her and that she was not given a chance to be with us. I don't expect anyone to understand how Pat and I are feeling. It's a feeling I don't wish upon anyone.
I truly believe that I was chosen by God to carry Paige because she was so special. And through this hard time I truly believe that God is carrying Pat and I. I want to share this song by Selah. This song shares how we are feeling through this time of grief.
I will always be thankful that I was chosen to carry sweet Paige.
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for taking this step, as hard as it was. I am so happy to hear how beneficial it was for you and the relief you found in their ability to understand what you are going through. You continue to amaze us!
Lisa
I am so glad you have found a group of parents who can support you through this. There is nothing worse than feeling alone, and even though having others to lean on who've been there and done that doesn't make the pain and sadness go away - hopefully it will make it easier to bear. It's amazing how God brings people into our lives in different ways - and always just when we need them!!
ReplyDeleteMarissa,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing the song...it's beautiful! It made me cry. I'm so glad you were able to find this group of people to help you through your grief. I am also happy you were able to feel "normal" again, even if just for a moment...small steps :)
May God continue to carry you both.
I am so proud of you for making this step with "Share". I was so hopeing it would help if only a little. I hope when Patrick is able he can join the group. I am so proud of both of you. Keep God close!
ReplyDeleteLove Mimi
Hi Meredith-
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog on someone's page who had lost their baby through SIDS. I am a mother of a 6 month old baby and I can tell you, I don't need to lose my child to know how you feel although I'll never know 100%. The mere thought of it makes me feel ill and the skies darken before me.
Even though your time with your child was short, it doesn't make it any less devastating especially for a mother who carried her child in her body for 9 months. You share every bit of yourself with your child for that period, including all of your thoughts, nutrition and body and soul. Into your child during that time period, you bond as you pour all of your hope and expectations into them. For those that try to lessen the tragedy, they have no inkling of what it is to lose perhaps the most precious thing in the world.
I hope all the support of people both friends and strangers continue to help you cope with this tragic loss although only time will lessen the pain. Bless you and your family and Paige.
Jessica