Mommy, Please Don't Cry

When my mind gets wandering and I'm thinking of my sweet baby girl I constantly wander what she is doing now.  Where is she?  Where is Heaven?  Who takes care of her?  Afterall, I am a mommy and mommy's worry about their little ones.  When I start feeling lost and confused I often curl up on the couch with Paige's blanket and re-read one of my favorite books, "Mommy, Please Don't Cry" by Linda Deymaz, who lost her little girl in 1995.  I actually received two of these books after Paige went to Heaven.  I keep one next to my bed and the other copy in our family room.  This way it is always close to me when I need it!  I love the whole book, but I have my very favorite pages.  Here are a few that I just absolutely love and one day I will get to expereince Heaven with my sweet Paige.

"Mommy, please don't cry...we have lots of parties here; with streamers and hats and the best chocolate cake ever."

"When it's time to rest angels tuck us in.  I never get scared Mommy, there is no darkness here!  Jesus is the light of Heaven!"

"Mommy, please don't cry... sometimes I just like to be by myself, that's when I think of you.  Someday, Mommy, we will hold each other tight!  Then you will cradle me in your arms, and stroke my hair...and once again, our hearts will beat together."

"I have lots of friends, Mommy, we run and play, we giggle and laugh, I can't wait to show you my secret hideouts!"

"Mommy, please don't cry... I'll wait right here for you."

Ironically, I always seem to cry through the entire book.  Some of those tears are happy tears.  I know my precious baby is in a much better place without any evil or sadness.  I long to feel that soft skin again and kiss those sweet cheeks.  This book gives me a sense of relief knowing that my Paige is in Heaven and being taken care of. 

My Precious Paige,
     Not a second goes by that I don't long to hold you in my arms.  At times mommy's arms hurt so bad because I just want to hold you once more.  Paige, I can't believe it's been almost five months since you so quickly came into our lives and just as quickly had to leave.  I can't even begin to tell you all the lives you have touched.  Because of you many people have been brought back to their Faith in Jesus.  Hundreds of babies in the NICU have received pretties in your honor.  Many mommy's and daddy's love on their children a little more each night because of you.  You're life has changed so many and I am so proud of you.  On Friday night, many of mommy's friends are hosting the first ever Paige's Pretties Trivia Night in your memory.  Family, friends and strangers will gather to remember you and help support Children's Hospital.  I can't wait to give back to the hospital where you spent your short life.  Unfortunately, many mommy's and daddy's have to spend many scary nights within those walls of the NICU.  It is my hope that we can make their experience a little better by giving back to the NICU.  Mommy has big dreams to live out your memory and to tell the story of my little fighter.  Paige, daddy and I love you so much!  We miss you more than you could ever imagine and we know that one day we will get to hold you in arms again. 

Much love, hugs and kisses!
Mommy

PS-  I hope you got to have chocolate cake tonight!