I've tried to reflect and really think about the past year especially the first week of January in 2011. I wouldn't say I failed because I have reflected a lot, I've prayed a lot and I thought about those few days over and over in my head. Unfortunately, I can't come up with the words to describe my feelings, my emotions, my heart. Today my heart breaks knowing that my sweet girl has been gone for a full year. How did I live a full year without her? Some days it seemed impossible to go on and others I felt lifted up by her presence. Every new day was different and I couldn't predict what each new day would bring. This past year I have felt emotions that I didn't know were possible. I suffered a loss that no human being should have to endure. I grew closer to my husband and grew stronger in faith all because of a sweet little girl. My life changed forever in 2011 and I will never be the me I was in 2010. That person is gone. I live my life completely different... I now live a post-Paige life. A life where I don't take a single thing for granted. A life where I don't go to bed without telling my husband and son how much I love them. A life where I cherish every moment because I never know when that could be my last. A life where I put complete faith in God and trust in His plan for me. A life where there is no room for judgement. My life is different now all because of my little girl. Paige did this, she changed me, she changed her daddy, she changed so many in three short days. A year has gone by since I last held my little girl in my arms, but not a day will go by that she won't consume my heart.
On January 4, 2011 I held my sweet baby girl in my arms and told her it was ok to go and be with Jesus. At 1:04 pm Paige Jordan Steinhoff went to heaven and she has been missed every second since.
My Sweet Paige,
You will never know how much your daddy and I love you and miss you. Our hearts ache that we couldn't do anything to help you. You were just too perfect and too precious and Jesus wanted you in heaven. He got you and a piece of our hearts along with you. You have taught us so much about life and love and we will be better parents to your baby brother because of you. Although my heart breaks today I know what a joyous occasion this must be for you. You have a had a full year to be in the arms of Jesus and to feel His love. You are such a special little girl and we are so proud of you. You will never know the countless lives you have touched and how much good came from your short three days here on earth. Paige, continue to watch over your crazy family... God knows we need you! Continue to touch lives and change the world. We love you sweetheart!
Love,
Mommy
Our Angel....
And here is Landon's 1st picture with his sister...
Paige is absolutely gorgeous! Praying for you and your family in this very difficult time in your lives.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I missed Paige a Palooza! I hope you know that the four of you were in my thoughts all day on Sunday, and for every day that has passed since. Landy will find it hard to believe how many lives his big sister had an impact on, and, how many lives she truly changed. Pat & Marissa, you are both examples to us all...teaching us and reminding us daily to cherish every minute that we have with those we love. Your strength and your love will amaze me always - I love you all so much! Nick
ReplyDeleteOne year ago I was blessed to meet a beautiful angel before she made her journey to meet Jesus. I feel lucky and honored to have met such a beautiful baby girl that has impacted so many. I know my life has been touched not only by her but the strength you and Pat have shown through the last year. You h e been an example of what to means to rely on God even when most people would have turned from him. Your faith and love have been such a witness to many. I know Paige is so proud of her parents and loves her baby brother. :) love and prayers to you, Pat and little Landon. :). -----Nicole
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful letter to paige. she has to be so proud of her family. :)
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you, Pat, Landon, and Paige a lot today! Paige did truly touch so many lives... more than any of us will ever know. Everyone who hears her story are touched. You and Pat have been such an inspiration to me. You have been so strong both emotionally and in your faith. Many people would have lost faith.
ReplyDeleteI love the picture of Landon and Paige. He will grow up to be so proud of the things his sister accomplished in her short three days. I see some definite similarities in their faces too. What a lucky boy... to be as gorgeous as his sister!