The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
slow to anger, abounding in love.
Psalm 103:8
Monday, April 4, 2011
1st, 4th, 8th
I feel as if I will always hate the first week of every month. On the first of every month I think about the night I gave birth (January 1, 2011). It went nothing like I imagined and unfortunately I have horrible memories from that night. All I can really remember is having my baby pulled out of me and rushed to Children's hospital and later learning that she was diagnosed with leukimia. Gut wrenching! I still feel sick thinking about it. On the fourth of every month I am reminded of the day my baby left and went to be with Jesus (January 4, 2011). I'll never forget holding my three day old baby in my arms and telling her that it was ok to go to Heaven. No mommy should have to do that. It is and will forever be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Finally, on the eighth of the month I am stung with the memories of my babies funeral (January 8, 2011). I remember all I could think about was that they shouldn't have to make caskets that small. Needless to say, today has been rough. Very rough. I feel like I relive those awful days during the first week of every month. Granted it's only been three months, but it's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel, when all I want is for the pain to go away. I know I have to learn to live with this pain, it's part of my new normal. I continue to pray that Jesus gives me strength and guides me along this broken path. I have faith that there will be a day where I experience true happiness again.
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I my heart aches for you the most on those days. :( It's hard to believe that it has already been 3 months since Paige went to be with Jesus. Even though 3 months have passed I still pray for you and Pat as much as I did in January and I will continue to pray for you for years to come. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Nicole
My journey parallels your journey. . . I'm just 7 years ahead of you. Those anniversaries are the hardest. It seems everyone's life goes on as your life is gut-wrenching. As hard as it seems, God will continue to give you and Pat grace that is sufficient for that day, or even for just that moment. And as we walk through this grief process, we just have to put one foot in front of the other. You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday, and its obvious that God's grace and mercy is on you as you walk through this hard time so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Kristen Fleschman
Marissa,
ReplyDeletePlease know that I am always right down the hall whenever you need to talk, to grieve, to laugh, to smile, to mourn,...whatever you need. You are amazing and inspire me each day more than you know.
Love,
Stacey