Hot Mess

In the words of my sweet, two year old niece, Elizabeth... "I'm a hot mess!"  Today has been one of those days.  I am a mess!  It didn't help that I had practically no sleep last night, so I'm functioning on the caffeine from my QT soda this moring.  I looked absolutely awful going into work today.  I love my co-workers because they tried to convince me that I looked ok, but believe me I looked awful.  My dress needed to be ironed, my hair was thrown back in a very messy pony tail, and my makeup was practically non-existant.  I looked a mess, a hot mess!  My students are so sweet because they know to be gentle with me and they understand I'm sad right now.  They are constantly making me cards and pictures and bringing them up to me.  My students know that Paige is in Heaven, but I forget that there are so many other kids in the building that don't know the full story of Paige.  Unfortunately, I was reminded of that today and it just added to my craziness.  I was headed down the hall to pick my students up from computers.  I felt a little tap on my back and when I turned around there was a little girl standing there.  She looked right at me and asked "Did your baby die?"  I froze!  I was taken so off gaurd.  I just looked at her in disbelief and said, "Yes sweetie she did die."  It took every ounce of strength to keep my composure.  I wanted to curl up in a corner and just cry.  Crazy enough, this is the first time I have been asked this question.  Probably because I've spent my days around family and friends who already knew Paige had passed.  I think today it became real to me.  My baby girl died.  That was hard to type,  much less to say.  I was not at all upset with the little girl, after all she's seven.  A curious seven year old.  I made it through the rest of the day at school.  Then on my way home I stopped at the store to get a loaf of bread.  Easy enough, right?  Not today.  I got the bread, took it to the counter, pulled out my wallet to pay for it and dropped what seemed like 500 coins all over the ground.  I instantly felt all the eyes on me.  Everyone was staring.  I got teary-eyed and the man behind me picked up all the change for me.  Just by looking at me I think he could tell I was having a rough day.  Thank goodness for nice people.  Luckily, I made it home without any other mishaps.  I think I'll crawl into bed and just stay there for the night.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.