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| A peek at Paige's nursery |
an empty closet.....
You will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence.
Isaiah 30:15
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Not Easy
Last night was hard. The first night in a long time with an empty nursery... no clothes, no cute little shoes, no baby toys, nothing. Just an empty crib, empty dresser, empty closet and a rocking chair left unused. No, it wasn't easy but with the love and support of my mom and sisters... I did it! I cleaned out Paige's room. Only one break down and a heart that felt trampled we accomplished the impossible task. Since Paige went to heaven the door to her nursery has remained closed. It was too painful to see all of her sweet things in that room. Now, the door is opened and the room is bare. I'm so very hopeful for the joy and love that our precious Landon will bring to that room. Although Paige never got to see her nursery or lay in her crib or wear her clothes I know she loved it. I know she knows how much love that her daddy and I put into it as we prepared it for her. And I know she knows how much love was in that room last night as we took it all out. It was painful and my body physically hurt but it had to be done. I couldn't of done it myself. It probably would of taken me hours maybe days. Luckily, my mom and sisters had it done in no time. As soon as I said I was ready, they swept in like fairy godmothers. They worked quickly but with such care of my sweet little girl's belongings. The belongings she never got to see. Today I'm left with a sad heart, but with hope and faith for a bright future. Last night was just another step toward the arrival of Landon. A step that Paige helped me take. I feel at peace and even the guilt has subsided. We will now begin preparing Paige's room for her little brother... I can't wait to hold him in my arms, rock him to sleep, and tell him all about his amazing sister. What a day that will be!
Our reality... an empty room...
an empty closet.....
and an unused rocking chair.
but yet we have hope for what will one day fill this room again. Think green ;)
an empty closet.....
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Marissa, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imgine what you are going through. My little girl was born at MoBap and then taken to Cardinal Glennon. Those days without her where the worst of my life. When I got to go home the first thing I did was close her door. I couldn't bring myself to look in there knowing she was in the hospital and couldn't use the room we made for her. Luckily she got to come home after a few weeks and be with us. I pray and think about you everyday. I hope everything continues to go as you hope and you get to bring home a healthy baby boy. Fellow 2000 ND graduate
ReplyDeleteI thought about you and Pat all day yesterday. It sounds like you did well with the help of your family. It's so hard to do but it is part of moving forward. Your love does not go away with the material things, its embedded in your hearts forever.
ReplyDeleteGreen is good! I wait for the day you all wear the gliders off of that rocking chair!
LB
You are so blessed to have such an amazing family. And in December, Landon too, will be blessed with an amazing family.
ReplyDeleteGreen is good! Like the fields of a baseball diamond! ahem GO CUBS them bums!!!
HUGS
Marcia A