Tomorrow's the Day

Tomorrow is the day.  With the help and support of my mom and sisters I will take the huge step of disassembling Paige's room.  It's making it so real... my baby girl is gone forever and she's not coming back.  I know, I know obviously she's not coming back but somewhere in my little head it's always a wish.  Maybe this is all still a nightmare and I'm going to wake up.  Unfortunately, reality sets in and I know that my Paige is in heaven and I will reunite with her there someday.  (Deep breath, fighting back tears)  How blessed I am that although I am taking out the pink, girly things I get to replace them with fun, blue boy things.  Paige's room will always be Paige' room... her brothers and sisters will just be borrowing it. :)  The hardest part will be painting over those pink walls.  Ugh!  Pat says that Landon's nursery will not have pink walls... believe me I tried to negotiate with him... he still said no!  Ha!  Don't worry there will always be a touch of pink in that room for Paige.  I will share more in a later post about how we will keep Paige forever in our lives and our home... we do have a plan.

I don't know what kind of emotions to excpect tomorrow.  In a sense it's going to be very hard to put Paige's things away, but yet as we prepare that room for Landon it gives me hope of a bright future with even more chidlren.  I also feel a sense of guilt.  I guess I feel guilty because this is part of moving on.  Now anyone who knows us knows that moving on without Paige has been the hardest thing we've had to do.  Everyday is a struggle.  With Landon on the way it makes getting out of bed a little easier, but we will always have that missing piece.  I know in my heart just because the nursery will no longer be decorated for Paige does not mean she is forgotten.  Paige took a piece of both mine and Pat's hearts to heaven with her... we could never forget our little girl. 

Jesus, give me strength and peace tomorrow!

For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her like a river..."

Isaiah 66:12