Paige's 1st Birthday in Heaven

Today I am preparing for my daughter's first birthday party.  A day many people dream about.  A huge milestone in the life of a child.  Unfortunately, this birthday party is not like other first birthday parties.  This first birthday party is a celebration of life, a celebration of a beautiful baby girl, a celebration of the love we have for her, unfortunately our baby girl won't physically be able to be at her birthday party.  No, our baby girl will be celebrating her first year in heaven.  Tomorrow we will have the first ever Paige-a-Palooza!  A celebration of the day our daughter came into our world.  This year's Paige-a-Palooza is much smaller than we would like.  We want everyone we know to celebrate our Paige with us, however, with Paige's baby brother being only three weeks old we decided to keep this year's celebration very small.  Landon will visit his sister's grave site for the first time today.  We tell him all about Paige everyday, but I have a feeling he already knows about his big sister and loves her very much!

Today my heart is heavy and I am in complete denial that tomorrow is my daughter's first birthday and she won't be here to celebrate with us.  Instead of picking out a smash cake and an adorable birthday crown, my family will release balloons to the heavens for our precious baby girl!  Much more will come about Paige-a-Palooza and Paige's first birthday, for now I leave you with this poem that gives me such peace knowing that Paige is celebrating with my grandpa's, my grandma, Pat's grandma, my Uncle Ray, Fr. Krings and many other loved ones who have gone before us.  I know they will make tomorrow so very special for my little girl! 

It's my first birthday in heaven,
what a joy to partake.
My presents are flowers and rainbows
and angel food cake.

My crib is decorated with roses
and glitter.
And the stars that shine upon me
make everything shimmer.

The other angels are dancing and
singing me songs.
Soon Jesus will be joining me,
It won't be long.

We'll all gather and pray
for my loved ones on earth,
Who love me so much,
from the day of my birth.

You see, Birthdays in Heaven
are full of happiness and cheer.
We celebrate with our loved ones,
who proceeded us here.

Yes, Birthdays in Heaven
are wonderful and gay.
One day we will celebrate together,
for that moment, Mommy and Daddy, I pray,

WE LOVE YOU, PAIGE!

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!



Christmas 2011

Where to begin?  This Christmas was definitely not what we thought it would be a year ago, yet it was absolutely wonderful.  There is no doubt that we missed Paige a whole lot, but I know that her absence will always weigh heavy on our hearts especially around the holidays.  Although we did not have our sweet little girl in our arms we did have our handsome little man.  And how wonderful that was!  Pat and I would not have made it through this holiday without this precious sweetheart.

Our hearts have felt so full since he made his way into our world and each and every day is such a blessing.  He is by far the best Christmas present I have ever received.  And most importantly he reminds me every single day how precious life is and not to take a single minute for granted.  Oh how I love him!

Christmas Eve was busy but yet a lot of fun.  We started the evening off at Pat's Uncle Matt and Aunt Ann's house.  They are such great hosts with lots of yummy foods and we always have an amazing time.  This year there were three new babies.  What a blessing!  Next, we headed to my Uncle Ed and Aunt Nancy's place downtown for yet another great family get together.  Pat and I both come from large families so these "gatherings" are actually quite large.... close to 40 people at each I believe.  When we arrived at my aunt and uncle's house we were surprised to see my younger brother Eddie.  Ed lives in Atlanta and is a golf pro.  He had to work on the 23rd and 26th of December and told us he couldn't make it in for Christmas.  Well, joke was on us... Ed bought a plane ticket and surprised the whole family by showing up on Christmas Eve!  It was awesome to have our entire family together!  Such a great blessing!  The night ended with a visit from Santa Claus himself!  The kids all got a chance to sit on his lap and make one last plea for the gifts they wanted.  It was so cute watching their little faces light up when they climbed upon his lap.  I can't describe the emotion that overcame me when I placed Landon on Santa's knee.  Pure joy!  It's something I have longed to do since we lost Paige.  I guess knowing that she would never get to sit on Santa's lap was heart breaking to me, so watching Santa hold my little boy made my heart sing.  I couldn't even take pictures because I was crying so hard.  Luckily, my cousin's wife took my camera and took pictures for me.  The most touching part of the whole experience was Santa's reaction.  I placed Landon in his arms and he looked up at me and saw that I was crying.  I'm sure he was taken back.  My Aunt Kathy leaned over to him and explained that Landon had a big sister that went to heaven this year and how special this was for me.  Santa looked at Landon so lovingly and then leaned over and kissed him.  He knew what a great gift my son was.  It was so neat to see.  Later that evening, Santa told my aunt that he was so honored that I allowed him to hold our precious Landon and that he felt privileged to be a part of his first Christmas.  How cool is that!  Here is a short video of Santa and Landon...

Christmas morning we woke up and enjoyed time together as a family of four.  Yep, that's right...4!  Paige was here in spirit, I just know it!  We then headed to Pat's parents house for Christmas with his immediate family.  This is a fun tradition and we get such a kick out of watching our niece, Tatum, and nephew, Caplan, open gifts.... too funny!  In the afternoon we headed down to my parents house for my families Christmas.  With ten grand kids this year it sure made for a fun time with lots of gift opening!  We had a great dinner and once again it was so good to see my brother Eddie.  We even got a family photo....

Marla, Bill, Maria, Me, Marcia, Eddie
Mom and Dad

Our Christmas ended with a nice, quiet evening at home... fast asleep because we were all exhausted!  Thank you so much for all the thoughts and prayers as we headed into this first Christmas without Paige.  Once again, the love and support of our family, friends and complete strangers amazed me!  We hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas!

And they were calling to one another: "Holy holy holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory."

Isaiah 6:3

Thank You

Thank you so much for all the thoughts and prayers!  I am so very happy to report that my dad is at home tonight!  Right where he belongs!  Praise Jesus that he will spend Christmas at home with his family and not in a hospal bed.  Again, thank you!  Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas in Heaven

I sit tonight and type with a very heavy heart.  Just like many I have found myself caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season.  Preparing for Christmas and all the fun that comes along with it.  I sit here as I watch my beautiful thirteen day old baby boy look so precious in his baby swing.  I count my blessings and thank God for the many wonderful things in my life.  I do have so much to be thankful for.  Yet my heart hurts knowing that we'll be spending Christmas with one less family member this year.  We never had a Christmas with Paige and yet I can't imagine this Christmas without her.  Just one year ago Pat and I were eagerly awaiting the arrival of our first born, our sweet Paige.  Now one year later we find ourselves still grieving the loss of our baby girl yet praising Jesus for our sweet baby boy.  Such proof that we are on God's time and he has a plan for us all.  I truly believe He knew that we wouldn't make it through this holiday without a baby in our arms and so he sent us our precious Landon just in time.  Someone told me, "God does not replace, he repairs".  No child will ever replace Paige, but yes our Landon is helping to heal our broken hearts.  Although Paige is not here to celebrate this Christmas with us, I take comfort in knowing that she is in heaven having a Christmas celebration more beautiful and more magical than we can ever imagine.  Merry Christmas Paige!  We love you and we miss you!

The following poem brings me so much peace:

CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Update in Dad

Last night we found out that dad pneumonia.  Along with this nasty illness dad's white blood cell count was at 0.  As of this morning his white blood cell count is at 100.  Doctors say it must be up over 1000 before dad can be discharged.  Dad is receiving blood and antibiotics to treat the pneumonia.  Although this is a major bump in the road we are so happy that dad is getting the best treatment to make him well again.  Please continue the prayers!

Prayer Request!

Very early this morning my mom had to take my dad to he hospital because of a very high fever of 103 degrees.  Along with the fever dad was experiencing extreme fatigue that did not allow him to have any energy to walk, eat or do much of anything.  The sores in dad's mouth became so awful that he couldn't even swallow.  Needless to say this final round of chemotherapy has proved to be the very worst.  Dad is currently at Barnes and will remain there for a few days.  As of this morning the doctors did not know what was causing all of this and they were running a series of tests.  I will continue to update as we learn new information. We truly believe this is where he needs to be for now because he is just too weak to be at home.  Please join our family in our prayer a we pray for the following:

1.  Give the doctors the wisdom to discover what is wrong with dad.  Give them the knowledge to do what is best for him and to help him heal quickly.

2.  Please make dad well in time for Christmas. 

3.  Give dad peace and strength as he overcomes yet another hurdle in this very long journey.

Thank you for your prayers!  Updates will continue.

Photo Shoot Sneak Peek

Yesterday Landon had his very first photo shoot.  So much fun!  A big thank you to Amy from Glory Photography.  She did an AMAZING job!  I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing these photos are to Pat and I.  Amazingly enough Paige had a photo shoot in her short three days of life.  Actually, her photo shoot was the last thing she did before she went to heaven.  We will forever treasure those photos and now we can add these to the collection.  I can't describe the emotions I felt when yesterday we were able to witness Landon's first photo shoot knowing that when it ended he was coming home with us.  These pictures are way more than just pictures to us.. they are a treasure, they are a symbol of faith and hope, they are pure joy, they are a happy ending to an incredibly challenging year.  We are so in love with our baby boy and now we are so in love with these pictures.  Amy, we can't thank you enough for capturing the hope and joy that our Landon represents!  I can't say enough wonderful things about Glory Photography.  (I was not asked to say this, I truly believe they are amazing).  Please visit their website, you'll be blown away!  http://www.glory-photography.com/

Now, for the sneak peek...

Seriously, melts my heart!

The pink balloons represent Landon's big sister, Paige, who is in heaven.
Pat and I have decided to include pink balloons in family photos so that Paige can always be a part of them.

Dreaming of his big sister!

I can't look at these without tearing up!  Just love this little man so much!

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Ephesians 1:16

Sweet Love

Words can't describe how in love I am with my baby boy.  Pat and I are head over heels in love with our precious miracle.  Not an hour goes by that I don't stop and thank God and my sweet Paige for the amazing blessing of Landon.  Landon has really helped to heal my broken heart.  My heart will never be whole again on this earth.  Paige has a piece of my heart in heaven and when I am reunited with her one day my heart can be full again. For the first time in eleven months my heart has felt true happiness, true joy, true hope.  I am just loving life right now and can't believe that I am a mommy with a baby in my arms.  Praise Jesus!  Life can't get much better than this.  It just feels so good. 

Landon has had a great first week!  I can't believe he is already a week old.  Ok time, slow down!  For the past 9 months I've been praying for time to fly, well, can we put the brakes on now?  I'm just soaking up this newborn phase.... it's just so amazing!  He had his first visit to the pediatrician and he was given a clean bill of health.  Landon is in the 50% for height and 10% for weight.  What a relief to know that our baby boy is healthy! 

Here are a few pictures from Landon's first week at home...

0 Month Picture
(This was like the 1,089th attempt, we gave up!)

Snoozing away!

Hanging with his best bud, Hudson.
They are exactly 4 weeks apart.



Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father...who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

Landon's Birth Day

Where to begin?  Fair warning... this is very lengthy and detailed.  This is like my journal and I don't want to forget a single detail... so you've been warned.  : )

No need for an alarm clock the morning of December 9, 2011.  Pat and I laid awake in bed for most of the night.  We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am for my 7:30 am c-section.  The emotions were flowing and the anxiety level was high.  Plus, on top of that we were so anxious to meet our sweet boy.  At 4:00 am I got out of bed and showered.  Once I was all ready I walked around the house doing little (pointless) jobs just to keep myself busy until we needed to leave.  At 5:00 we loaded up the car and headed out.  My heart was racing and I couldn't believe that Landon's arrival was just a few hours away.  Paige was definitely with us all morning long.  I could feel her.  The minute we pulled away from our house I could just feel her presence.  She made me so calm and even helped me to relax a bit.  I practically ran into the hospital (as fast as a 9 month pregnant woman can run).  We got off the elevator onto the Labor and Delivery floor and the memories of Paige's birth came rushing back.  Ugh!  But I just knew in my heart this time was going to be different.  The check-in process was quick and we were escorted to our room.  You can't imagine the relief I felt when Heather (our nurse that helped deliver Paige) walked into the room.  She is one of the sweetest, kindest people I've ever met and she made me feel so at ease.  She told me she was getting off at 7 am, but that she didn't want to miss Landon's birth.  So after her long twelve hour shift, Heather stayed to be with us in the operating room and she took pictures of Landon's birth for us.  She's incredible!  We will treasure those pictures forever!  The nurses got my IV started and walked us through the events of that morning.  They made us feel so comfortable and most of all confident.  Everyone was so positive around us... it really helped keep us calm.  A little after seven our parents came into the room to wish us the best and then we headed to the OR.  Pat wasn't allowed in until right before the c-section started.  He was dressed in his scrubs just waiting outside the door.  I can't imagine how he was feeling not knowing what was going on inside the OR.  Inside I was being prepped for surgery.  I received my spinal (kind of like an epidural except a different medicine and it's inserted in a different spot on the spine).  The atmosphere inside was so calm.  People were cracking jokes and just saying the sweetest things to me.  The next  thing I knew Pat was sitting next to me holding my hand.  I knew this meant we were starting the c-section.  The nurse talked me through the whole thing letting me know what was happening.  About 15 minutes in the doctor told Pat to stand up if he wanted to see Landon coming out.  I remember just staring at Pat's face.  He got the biggest smile on his face and I knew Landon had arrived.  It was so great to not see doctors and nurses running around and rushing my baby away.  This time was calm.  At one point a nurse walked over to me held my hand and said, "honey, he's perfect!"  The joy I felt in my heart at that moment is indescribable.  Amazing!  I was crying, Pat was crying and several nurses were crying!  Pure joy and relief!  We watched our son get cleaned off, be weighed and measured.  So fun!  Then,  they placed Landon in Pat's arms and my heart skipped a beat.  This was real... our son was here, he is healthy and he's in his daddy's arms.  Pat brought him over to me and we just sat there (well I laid there) and stared at our little miracle.  He really was perfect!  After I was put back together :) we headed to recovery.  Our parents and Pat's sisters came in and met Landon for the first time.  Such joy!  Such relief!  It was amazing!  The rest of the day was filled with family and friends coming to meet our sweet boy, our miracle, Paige's baby brother.  December 9, 2011 is a day we will never forget.  We are so grateful to our family, our friends and complete strangers who prayed for Landon's safe arrival.  Because of you we made it through the past 11 months and now here we are with a beautiful baby boy in our arms.  We are so in love and so happy!

Introducing Landon Jordan Steinhoff....

Wide Eyed

Showing off his muscles!

Ready to come home from the hospital!

Getting ready for basketball practice

Up close and personal!

Saying his prayers

All ready for bed.  Good night!

Grandpa: Our Hero

Yesterday, was a very special day for our family!  Not only did Pat and I get to bring home our baby boy (a dream come true) but my dad had his very last chemotherapy treatment.  What a huge accomplishment.  I couldn't be more proud of my dad and his determination and strength throughout this whole process.  He's truly my hero and Landon's!  : )  At Siteman Cancer Center when you complete your final treatment you get to ring a bell symbolizing that you made it to the end.  What a huge moment for my dad!  Dad got to ring the bell yesterday at about the same time we were being discharged from the hospital so we didn't get to go.  The rest of the family went down and surprised dad to be there when he rang that VICTORY bell.  Words can't describe how happy I am that chemotherapy is behind us.  We now wait until January 6th when dad will have his final PET scan to see if the cancer is all gone.  Please continue to pray that it is!  Here are a few pictures from yesterday's bell ringing.  The faces of my family members will show the pure emotion of how we are all feeling!  Dad, we are so proud of you and we are so thankful to have a dad and a grandpa who loves us so much that he would fight this ugly illness purely because he loves us!  You're truly our hero!

Dad being surprised by my brother, sisters, nieces and nephew.

Dad ringing the bell!  Oh the relief!
So proud of you Dad!

Mom, Kate, Dad, Elizabeth & Cole

(Many grand kids missing, but equally proud of their Grandpa)

Marla, Dad, Bill, Marcia & Maria

(Eddie & I were there in spirit)

A chemoathlon makes a marathon look easy!

You did it Dad!  Way to go!

 Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.

Psalm 116:2



Our MIracle

Landon Jordan is here and PERFECT!  Yesterday morning at 7:53 AM our sweet miracle made his way into the world!  Pat and I are so in love and just couldn't be happier!  We will update soon with more details and pictures, but just wanted to say thank you for all of your endless prayers and sweet wishes.  We are so grateful for all the love and support, we can never say thank you enough!!!!!!

Landon Jordan Steinhoff

6 pounds 14 ounces

21 1/4 inches



...put your hope in the LORD. For there is faithful love with the LORD, and with Him is redemption in abundance.

Psalm 130:7

Ready

We are so READY for our sweet baby boy!  Tomorrow morning bright and early Pat and I will head to the hospital for my c-section.  Thankfully, today I feel calm.  There are nerves and anxieties, but I do feel a sense of peace.  I'm just so ready for this little boy to be in my arms.  I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that Paige will be there with us.  That is all that matters.  Our sweet Paige will carry her mommy and daddy through tomorrow morning.  I am confident of that.  I truly am at a loss for words today.  I've been up since 4:15 am.  I've cleaned my house.  The laundry is folded and put away.  I had lunch with my nephew, Cole, my niece, Kate, and sister, Maria, after they helped me decorate Paige's grave sight for Christmas.  We gave her new flowers, a pretty candy cane and a small gift.  I've had a manicure and a pedicure.  And now I just sit and wait.  Luckily, mindless TV is keeping me busy.  The past 9 months have been filled with ups and downs, but mostly anticipation for Landon's arrival.  Now I just sit and pray that Jesus brings us a healthy baby boy tomorrow morning.  I ask that you please join me in prayer for the safe and healthy arrival of Landon Jordan.  If you're awake at 7:30 tomorow morning, please pause and ask God to take good care of our little boy.  I know he'll be listening... Paige will make sure of it : )

The Lord your GOD is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love...

Zephaniah 3:17

Final Round of Chemo

Tomorrow my dad will begin his final round of chemotherapy!  It's been a long 18 weeks for him, but we are so happy the end is in sight.  We've watched him get very sick, have practically no energy, and get dose of medication after dose of medication... yet my hope is that in the end this will all be worth it.  Dad will not have his final PET scan until early January.  That will be the true test as to if the chemotherapy worked or not.  Once that is determined then the doctor will decide what to do with the spot on dad's kidney.  Plus, don't forget that dad's right arm is still broken and will need surgery in order to fix it.  His road is far from over, but  I hope this is the beginning of the end. 

With each round of chemo I am more and more amazed by my father's strength.  I always knew my dad was a strong person, but I never sat down and really marveled in how determined and amazing he truly is.  Every three weeks he has to make the choice to go to Siteman and begin yet another round of medication that he knows will make him so very ill that he can barely move.  He knows that just days after those drugs enter his body he won't be able to eat or drink without pain.  He knows that even after the chemo is done flowing he will still have to receive painful shots for ten more days.  He knows all of this and yet he still chooses to go.  For him?  Maybe.  But I know he goes through this torture for us.  His family.  My mom.  His children.  His grandchildren.  He puts up this fight because he loves us.  That is truly something to be admired.  I am so proud of my dad and the fight he is fighting.  Truly amazing to me.  Please continue your prayers for complete healing of my dad.  We ask Jesus to rid his body of all cancer and to help him get through this final round.  We ask for strength and a quick recovery.  Thank you for your continued prayers.... He is listening to every single one!

...there is no GOD but Me. I will strengthen you...

Isaiah 45:5

Angel of Hope

Tonight my mom, mother in law and I went to the Angel of Hope ceremony in Blanchette Park.  The angel is a beautiful statue that stands in honor of he memory of many sweet children whose lives were too short.   The statue stands as a symbol of HOPE for families who have experienced the loss of a child.  Every year on December 6 at 7:00 a candlelight vigil is held in memory of our loved ones.  Although it was a cold evening, the ceremony was beautiful.  Pat had to miss it because of a basketball game. : (  Paige has two memorial bricks laid in the walkway near the angel and so it has even more meaning to us.  It was a hard evening to get through...such a raw reminder that we are still grieving our little girl and we always will be.  Even with a baby boy just days away our hearts still have an empty space that nobody or anything can fill.  That space belongs to our Paige.  It was so nice to remember our very own angel.  I know she is watching over us everyday!  We love you Paige.

Emotion Overflow

We've made it to the week of Landon's birth!  Huge accomplishment!  We are just overjoyed that in just a few short days we will meet our sweet little man.  Unfortunately, we have anxiety, fears and lots of other emotions that accompany that joy.  It's something I've tried to shake for some time now, but I know until a healthy little boy is in my arms those fears will hold strong. 

I've done a lot of thinking lately about the past 11 months.  What a rollercoaster ride we've been on.  We've had ups and we've had downs and we've even fallen off the track.  Really, we started off the track on day one of 2011. But through the grace of God we got back on, we've fought our fears, we battled through tragedy and we now are on the home stretch.  This week we will continue to fight our fears and get to Friday.  That's the goal and we are taking it one day at a time (sometimes one minute at a time). 

Today I had my final doctor appointment before the big day.  It was so crazy to walk out of that building knowing that the next time I walk in, I will have a baby boy.  Doctor appointment went well.  We did do another BPP test and this time Landon was not as cooperative.  He was a bit sleepy and we could not wake him up long enough to do his practice breathing.  Instead of receiving a score 8/8, he got 6/8.  :(  This is not cause for concern, but of course I worry about it.  Both the ultrasound tech and the doctor reassured me this was nothing and he probably did his practice breathing some other time throughout the day.  I just wish he would of let his mommy see it.  Oh well, I'm sure this won't be the last time he doesn't want to do what mommy says. : )  Now, we just wait until Friday.  We pray hard that Landon will come into this world a healthy, happy, bouncing baby boy! 

Pat and I both truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers.  Please keep them coming! 

38 Weeks

Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!  I can't control my excitement!  ONE MORE WEEK!!!!  That is crazy.  Next week this time my baby boy will be in my arms.  Jesus, please make his delivery a safe one and make him one healthy little guy!  Pat and I are so ready we can hardly stand it.  I'm actually at a lost for words.  My heart is beating so fast as I type because of all the joy and anticipation.  After these past 11 months and the biggest heartache of our lives we will finally have something to be happy about, someone to love just as much as we love our Paige, something to give us hope for the future and so much more.  Next Friday cannot get here fast enough.  My final doctor appointment is Monday and I will find out what time my c-section is on Friday.  Please keep the prayers coming. This little guy can use every single one. 

How Far Along: 38 weeks

Size of baby: 19.6 inches and probably pretty close to 7 lbs.

Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff

Maternity Clothes: Yes

Movement: I still feel my little man kicking and moving as much as he can.

Sleep: I am barely getting any sleep now. I'm up at least every 2 hours, usually less than that.  Falling asleep has become the tricky part.

Symptoms: I'm huge, who wouldn't be uncomfortable!?!?  Small price to pay for such a miraculous blessing.

Cravings: Nothing in particular. 

Best moment this week: I got a surprise ultrasound on Monday when the doctor did my BPP.  I was so excited to see my sweet boy again.  

Come on Landon!  There are so many people ready to meet you and love on you!  

 Here I am large and in charge at 38 weeks!  :)

Happy 11 Months Paige

How did I get here?  Today marks our sweet angel's 11 month birthday!  And to think that in just 8 days her baby brother will be here.  I think it's safe to say that Paige played a big role in the miracle of our little guy.  In just 1 month I should be having a first birthday party for my little girl.  Although her real party will be in heaven, you better believe we will be celebrating the life of our precious angel.  Paige is a part of us and she always will be.  I really can't remember my life before her.  Although, I don't get to pick out her birthday outfit or order her the perfect cake I do get to call her my daughter.  And I love that!  She is mine and that is such a blessing.  I know that one month from today will be difficult and a day that won't be easy on the heart, but today I concentrate on the many blessings of Paige and there are a lot!  Happy 11 month Birthday sweet girl!  We love you to the moon and back!

BPP

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my second to last visit before my c-section!  I was happily surprised when they told me I was going to have an ultrasound.  I love any chance to see my sweet boy.  Then they told me they were doing the ultrasound as part of a biophysical profile.  I sorta freaked for a second.... I asked the doctor what was wrong and why Landon had to have this test done.  He quickly reassured me that it was only for precautionary measures.  The BPP is usually done after 32 weeks on high risk pregnancies (which I'm not), diabetic mothers (which I'm not) and on mom's who have lost a child in a previous pregnancy during the third trimester (which I guess technically I lost Paige at 36 weeks but not while she was in me).  I do appreciate that my doctor is so cautious and protective over our very sensitive situation.  His entire office... him, his nurses, the ultrasound tech and receptionist have all been AMAZING to us!  Love them!  Anyways, with the BPP they test the babies ability to practice breathe, his tones (movement) and they measure the amount of amniotic fluid.  Landon had to do his practice breathing and his tones in 30 minutes or less.  There is a total of 8 points given.  Six or more points is considered normal, anything less would be of a concern.  As soon as we spotted him on the ultrasound the tech right away pointed out his practice breathing.  He did it the entire time we watched him!  I was such a proud mama as I sat there and cheered him on yelling, "Come on buddy!  Keep going! Keep going!  You can do it Landon!"  Ok, ok, so I may already be that obnoxious mom who is her kids biggest fan.  Check 1, he passed his practice breathing with flying colors!  Next, he proved that his tones (movements) were not a problem.  He was moving a lot and all over the place.  Check 2, tones was not a problem.  Finally, the tech measured my amniotic fluid and that looked great.  Check 3!  Whew!  My sweet boy passed that test with 8 out of 8 in a short period of time.  So proud of my little man! :)  And, what a nice reassurance that things look good!  One more visit next Monday and then the big day... Friday, December 9th!  I can't wait to hold Landon in my arms! 

We love you Landon and can't wait to meet you!  We will always be your biggest fans! - Mommy & Daddy

I declare the end from the beginning...My plan will take place,
    and I will do all My will. 

Isaiah 46:10

37 Weeks

Today marks 37 weeks!!!!  The excitement and anticipation is through the roof and my stress level is pretty steady.  I can't believe that two weeks from today I will be holding my baby boy in my arms.  Someone pinch me, because it just doesn't seem possible!  I get choked up just typing about it, so talking about it is getting harder to do.  I am overwhelmed with joy, but the anxiety of that day is weighing heavy on my heart.  I know, I know.. I need to be positive and I am... I really am.  But with that said, until that baby boy is in my arms and receives a clean bill of health I will not rest easy.  This week we had an ultrasound and Landon looks great!  He is weighing in just under 6 and a half pounds.  The doctor predicted a 7 1/2 pound baby at birth.  We'll see...  I don't care how much he weighs, I just want him healthy.  Landon is head down and in the birthing postion.  He had his arms in front of his face most of the ultrasound so it was hard to see much, however, he has the sweetest, chubbiest cheeks ever.  The ultrasound tech didn't think he had much hair... just a little peach fuzz.  Oh, to see him for the first time....  my heart skips a beat each time I think about it.  December 9th can't come soon enough!!!!

How Far Along: 37 weeks

Size of baby: 19.1 inches and about 6 1/2 pounds

Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff

Maternity Clothes: Yes

Movement: Landon remains pretty active.  Lots of jabs and slow stretching movements.

Sleep: Not awful, lets just leave it at that.

Symptoms:  Lots of braxton hicks contractions and just a moving mama.

Cravings: Well this week I couldn't wait for Thanksgiving dinner and chocolate pie!

Best moment this week: Seeing our baby boy on the ultrasound!  The next time I see him, he will be here!

 

(Sorry no pics today yet... we're decorating for Christmas and I look a mess!  I'll post a picture soon!)

 

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Ephesians 1:16

Thanksgiving 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!  Today is a day to give thanks for the many blessings in our lives.  Although this year has been full of bumps in the road, heartache, the unaimaginable, and what seems like more bad news right after the other... we have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  This Thanksgiving Pat and I have so many blessings to be thankful for...  eachother, our families, our friends, our precious baby girl, our sweet baby boy, our health, our jobs, our faith, and the list could go on and on.  It really could.  There were days this year when I was not very thankful for anything.  Shame on me.  In the midst of the turmoil, the pain and the heartache it is our many blessings that pull us through.  We should always focus on what we do have and not what we don't.  We should be thankful for what has been given to us and not dwell on what has been taken away.  Even the smallest blessings deserve to be recognized and I have learned that this year thanks to my daughter.  I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends! 

The LORD is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

What can I give back to God

for the blessings He's poured out on me?

Psalm 116:5, 12

36 Weeks

36 Weeks!  It's so hard to believe that in just 3 short weeks our little man will be here!  Oh, to hold him in my arms.... just thinking about it makes me overwhelmed with joy.  My arms have literally ached since the last time I held Paige and to think that in three weeks my strength will be restored!  It is just so surreal to me... my heart leaps out of my chest as I think about this baby boy inside of me.  He just can't get here soon enough.  This week has been bittersweet.  In a way it's a bit of a milestone for Pat and I.  Our sweet Paige was born at 36 weeks.  I had contractions the entire 35th week and was in and out of the hospital.  It's impossible not to think about that week, the anticipation we had and then the terrible heartache we experienced.  I know I have to believe that this outcome will be different.  I have to believe that our Landon is a healthy baby boy.  I have to believe, but I would be lying if I didn't say it was so terribly hard.  I'm not one to wish away precious time, but please join in me in prayer as I pray for these next three weeks to fly by.  I know I'm supposed to enjoy these last few weeks of sleeping in and the quiet time, but Pat and I are so ready!  We have rested, we have had our quiet time and now we want our family.  We want to bring Landon home to our house and love him and spoil him and change his diaper and get absolutely zero sleep as we lie awake with him at night.  We want it all... we want every last thing that comes along with parenthood.  I'm sure there will be those days and nights where we are pulling our hair out and can barely stay awake, but we WANT that.  We want a family, we want this baby more than I could ever express.  So, Mr. Landon, mommy and daddy are ready and we can't wait to meet you sweet boy!

How Far Along: 36 weeks

Size of baby: 18.6 inches and about 6 pounds (these are estimates from babycenter.com)

Gender: A BOY!!! Landon Jordan Steinhoff

Maternity Clothes: Yes and not even all of my maternity clothes fit anymore :(

Movement: He still is pretty active.  I do think he is losing space everyday. 

Sleep: I am up every 2 hours uisng the bathroom, but other than that it's not too bad.

Symptoms: I've been having a few contractions here and there.  I don't call them Braxton hicks because they are getting more intense and a bit painful.  They are very spread out though.  It's all part of getting my body ready.

Cravings: Nothing really, just eating a lot of small meals throughout the day.

Best moment this week: Making it to 36 weeks without having to go to the hospital!

 

We visit the doctor on Monday and we will have an ultrasound.  Can't wait to see how big this boy is.... I'm prepared for a big boy!

 

This I know, that God is for me.

Psalm 56:9

Optimism & Hope

Well, dad went for his CT scan today as well as his 5th chemotherapy treatment.  The results from the scan leave me feeling optimistic and hopeful.  The doctor said "no clear signs of cancer" showed up on the scan.  He did say that when dad has his PET scan after his 6th treatment we would have more detailed results.  We are thrilled to hear that the lymphoma is at least shrinking and leaving dad's body.  Unfortunately, there is a spot on one of dad's kidneys that is still there.  This spot showed up on a scan right before dad's first treatment.  The doctor did not believe it was lymphoma, but was unsure of what it was.  The oncologist said that we would not deal with that spot until after they dealt with the lymphoma.  We were hopeful that the chemo would shrink and remove the spot on the kidney as well.  That did not happen.  So, tonight I praise Jesus that the chemotherapy seems to be curing dad's lymphoma.  I continue to pray that no matter what that "spot" is on dad's kidney that it is able to be removed and taken care of as soon as the lymphoma is all gone.  On December 8th dad will receive his 6th and final chemotherapy treatment.  Three to six weeks after that he will have his PET scan and hopefully he will be in remission.  Only time will tell.... and many many prayers!  Please keep them coming!

...the LORD our God is righteous in all He has done.

Daniel 9:14

Just 2 Left

Tomorrow dad goes in for his 2nd to last chemotherapy treatment.  This is his 5th round of chemo and we are so happy that the end is in sight.  Thankfully, dad has felt pretty good the last few days.  Food has actually tasted good to him and he has had enough energy to get out and about.  Today he went out for a good Lebanese meal.  To say I'm jealous would be an understatement.  ;)  Tomorrow my sister, Marcia, will be on duty with dad at Siteman.  Their schedule is full and starts very early tomorrow morning.  His day will begin with a CAT scan.  He will then visit with his doctor, actually a new doctor because his oncologist is out on maternity leave.  Once he's through with the doctor he will start treatment.  We are asking for BIG prayers tonight.  We have high hopes that tomorrow morning's CAT scan brings good news.  Please Jesus, let the cancer be shrinking and leaving dad's body.  Please join my family in prayer and ask God to take good care of my dad.  We are so appreciative of all of your thoughts and prayers and we truly believe that God listens to every single one. 

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. 

Psalm 62:5